I am the OVERCOMER by God!

Don't get scare with i will say at here..

I've been through spiritual warfare yesterday night.

It was about 1am at night,my heart get very scared and unpeace again,my heart keep beating fast until i felt that 'something' gotta posses in my body,i trembled and shaking with my whole body,i can't even to stop my mind to run whirl about the consequense.All the ungodly spiritual thing kept ran in my mind,i totally can't control it!This fear is the fear that i never experienced since that night,i could felt 'something' gotta come in my body,damn scary and i feel helpless too!

Meanwhile,when i under this circumstances,i kept comfort myself and pray hard for peace of course,but it seem no much effect in me,i'm in a critical time!!But HALLELUYAH!God hold out His hands to me at this moment,God spoke to me through my heart,He lets me understand the words of HIM in bible.God said:'i'am the merciful God,when you confessed your sins to me surely i will cleansen it and purify you in my name regardless how serious the sin you have done!Nothing can bond you now by your past sins even the fear in you now as the old has past,now you are the new creations,Satan has nothing to condemn you!Therefore you have no right to have this kind of fear from satan.I have set you free in me!You are the light of son because i have redeemed you fully!Amen,i am FREE!!

Suddenly,it was miracle,it was so  wonderful!I felt that the bondage of the fear which have bonded me for few days have been broken by God,i can feel the peace and the joy at that moment!I even dare to think back when i was first stricken by this 'feeling' in hotel that night without any fear as before when i think about it that 'something' seem will come to me again and with a lot of fear.God to be praised!Now i fully healed by God!Holy Spirit overwhelming my heart,i cried...God loves me so much since  i'm so unworthy for it!!Thank you my Lord to me...=) I am the overcomer!

'God is light,in Him there is no darkness at all." 1 Joh 1:5

'If we confess our sins,he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.' 1Joh 1:9

pHotO gaLleRy

Here with some photos also~~Vivo,in CS JB

opps,for L,ur picture was being captured by me without ur noticed,heee..but you look smart in this pix=)

    See~~~~Finally,i could tied up my hair already,kekeke...happy neh^^

    Waiting my hair grow longer and longer...=)

                                                                                                                      Captured by: 12nd Dec 2009

                                                                                                                                                (3:30pm)

I am YOUR lovely precious

Have a tiff with mum again..maybe should be not a tiff but a declaration and explanation among we both.

I never thought that my biological mum will look at me in this way,it is really out of my thought.Mum,i love you all deeply since you born me,i even always be so proud to tell others i am so blissful to have such caring family.But in the few hours ago,the truth from your own mouth was grieved me,just only i know you always belittle and see how useless i am,you keep on looking down on me even when i full of confidence to tell you that i believe myself can be change one day,you never trust me..You told me this is my character and it won't be changed in vice versa!Mum,i never expect you have no confident to me,i thought you will support me and keep stand beside me all the times!

Finally,i understand why i will low self-esteem easily.Not just bro,even you, the one i always take regard as a so caring,understanding,loving mum will say 'stupid' this word to me,it is so hurting..You belittled me,never trust and have confidence to me it is ok,somemore you still wanna rebuked me by this kind of word,it hurt my pride mum.. 

You said i never heed your advise,if as you say,how come i still been through so many unpeace,struggling in my relationship?Eventhough to give up everything?I told you i have considering and digesting every words you told me since before,but because i have my own logically,rasional thinking also,that's why i will make this decision for now,i wonder how come you won't neither think nor care for my feeling and accept my analytical ability?Yet you still rejected my decision!

You keep concluded my future,my personality,you concluded everything bad of me,and guarantee with me,looked down on me that it will not have turning poin for my everything if i go on with it.Indeed,i get worried about every words that come out from your mouth,because in bible we know every words from parents is so powerful,therefore i don't want your thwarted on my life instead of blessing.

Last,no matter how useless the people around me will look at me,the only one thing i know is God is look so precious of me,i am so important in HIS eyes,i can be the great vessel through Him!God,you are my only confident now...My life should be pleasing you as i want to get the peace in the choises that i've made,i want your blessing abundantly!One day people will take head over toes to you over the blessing of You too and get testified how wonderful in following in God's path!

Thanks God you make me still love my mum without any anger or grudges..

NO!!! MNC

Awww...get headache now again...:x plus giddy,feel like gotta sick,but tomorrow i going to convention...

Oh ya convention,mnc..haiz,i've no mood to go for it,the spirit totally can't be lifting up,listless while think of it.What will be your main motive to go for it?Is that everyone of us go for it just for the teaching?meet with God?Listen for God?or pure fellowship with bro and sis?emm,everyone should got their own answer.

For me,i wish to experience with God,i wish God can bring the big impact to me while during the mnc,i wish i can find back my first love with Him,i wish i could be refreshing by Him,i wish....That is too many,somehow the desire is weak within me,i've no keen to pursue it.Moreover,i can't admit that people will be the main and important element for me to enjoy in the mnc,it did bring the difference atmosphere and feel for it.Closer friends will make me indulging myself throughout the whole session,inverse,without all those closer people around, it sure will bore much and dull!and it will cramp me as well!;x Dear Lord,please let's this mnc will be differ with what i thought:x

p/s:something bonded my heart now,urgggg.......!!! anyway,i should tidy up my mood quickly,gotta celebrate birthday with daddy..0_0

My sweet and lovely deAr

i am keep thinking about you today..

i am thinking about the words you have to me yesterday night..all the old past memories floating out my mind while thinking about it,that feeling is sweet and warm..

"don't let me run off",you said this to me yesterday,your voice is clear vividly in my ear until now,it make me take it very serious in contemplating it...all the sweet scenery we've been go through keep revealing a slide by slide in front of my eye all of the sudden,non-stop sliding it..in here,i can saw your naughty and funny look just to make fun of me,bought flower to me just to make me smile,driving me out just don't want me to be bored at home,bringing me to have nice food just to bright up my day,and so on...that is too many!All of this only can caused me to say one thing,and this is:"dear,how could i bear to let you run off from me?"

I love you dear!

friend...

Suddenly feel down after sending mum off to kl,but it is weird because my mood is not impacted by this reason,all i can say is this feeling is too familiar for me...

It will be good if i in Penang at this moment,i miss you my friend who always be there for me when i get down or moody.When i be there i always will get very down and moody as i was alone there and the emptiness kept striken me,maybe you don't know you always will be the one i think of based of your willingness,thanks much!No matter what time it was,once i sms you and definitely you will drive here within few mins,even when you are at outside definitely you will try to make it possible also.I truly appreciate it!!!

I miss the time we went to the seaside to have a sea breezed, neither serious nor funny stuff,we will keep going to chat,while sometimes we can saw the plane passed by our head too..i pretty miss that seaside much and the malay 'a-gua' stall there!:P Nice place,nice environment and nice breezing always blew off my unhappy and emptiness...

Friend,surely i will find you again if i am there at this moment....miss miss miss

my sweet student's gift

             
                                                         
                                                                              
                                       

You can see how sweet my student to me...^_^

They present and wrote it to me :

So precious for me...=) thanks...

opps! Bahasa Melayu saya tak bagus!

As what i have told yesterday,i went for interview this very early  morning,reached there by six thirty.Then we get start only at nine morning,wait for so long indeed...

Let me talk about the interview detail part then.First of all,we have a 8 people group disccussion,the title is 'amalan membaca'.well,this is a nice topic to talk to,but i never thought that my BM(Bahasa Melayu)  is super lousy!i  can't even speak fluently and pronounce properly,damn it! For the second part,it was a individual interview session,i get an easy topic also,it was regarding 'pedatang asing',urghh...but i can't totally express well my point in BM due to my BM is so poor,how come huh?!Will you believe the one who get A in STPM BM subject cant't even talk in BM smoothly?urrr...my BM language ability making me pondering and doubting.

In vice versa i did quite smoothly in english speaking part although at first i am get stuck as i don't know what else point i can share about.

BM BM BM BM....saya perlu meningkatkan keupayaan komunikasi saya dalam BM sedaya usaha dari sekarang.Memandangkan BM adalah Bahasa kebangsaan negara kita,oleh itu saya tetap perlu sentiasa menggunakannya dan mencintainya sesungguh-sungguhnya,ia adalah amat berguna di negara Malaysia!(Jangan mengabaikan kegunaan bahasa ini selepas tamat pengajian terutamanya rakyat-rakyat Malaysia,ia boleh menyenangkang kerja anda semasa dalam pengurusan projek-projek kerajaan dan menjayakan anda) Dengan itu,marilah kita sama-sama belajar balik bahasa kebangsaan kita! :P

lalalaaa....^ ^

Tomorrow i will go for interview for KPLI-KDC,wish myself good luck and do enjoy in all the session:) But please don't ask about the deep questions to me rather than let me able to enjoy in the whole interview session..kekeke= )

Anyway,i still worrying what should i wear for... big head!oh ya,i need to cut my nail as well! :P

Waiting for my good news tomorrow,heee...^ ^(eventhough it is no a good new,i still will take it easy=X)

(p/s: gosh...i need to wake up very very early in the morning tomorrow,awwww.... :X)

Two 'someone'

 
 miss you both~~~~
 

 miss sophia and mr.Lemuel

That day went to KL was my saddest moment in my life..what the happier period is meet with sophia and Lemuel,i love them much!!!and miss them much too!!!awwww....

This is the first time for can't feel the love when together with my families,and it did hurt me deeper in my heart,i am pointed to someone..I get started dislike to be with you,every harsh words and attitude of you toward me was totally hurting me!i don't want to bounce back for what you're saying,because i know it is no meaning to tick off with you due to the pride in you,you will never contemplating other's people words..

Yet,in here i shall thanks to you to act this way to me,it motivated me to move forward to get the best success in my life!i want to prove to you that i am not the one as you think of,and i am NOT the vent to your anger!Please don't show contempt for me!

Family,what is that mean for?I wonder where is you all supporting?Where is you all love?It make me wonder.....

It is really my first time for can't find the love from you all instead of hurting...How much i wish now i could fly to abroad to start my own and new life without any bondage and pressure,start afresh there and get on my new self...i want to go abroad..

***And to 'someone' please,i will find the one who are truly appreaciate me since you think that i am can't meet with your standard.Thanks..

BE PATIENT PLS!!!

Honestly say,when i read your message,the first phase did bristled my rage,what you mean that is i am the one who purposely finding an excuse to reject it,right?

Well,i've been ever situated in this position and definitely i know that feeling when someone is turning down it,it did discouraged me as well,but what i want to say is,don't be so 'realistic' ok?Please show your fully care to someone you truly care for but not just in focusing achieving a certain motive only,it will easily make people disgust!!

I wonder don't you know that nurturing someone or something,the main element must be PATIENT!You don't know that??and caring should be the fully care but not just in certain and only part!C'mon,ain't you know that you have set up my bristle today!!! :\

METOO ^^

Love METOO much!^^ found them that day i went Jusco shopping,they get attracted me the time i stepped in,they are so cUteeee!!!love love love...:P

Birthday celebration

                   

                     

I was celebrated birthday with L yesterday,such a great moment with you,heee:P

We went to sing k,oppss!!should be you are the one who sing yet i am the one who eat,kekeke..lol I seem have ate alot in the buffet there,and drank two glasses cold drink,woow,what i can say is the drinks are super nice!ice blended with cereal oat plus cornflakes and some almond,tasted good!=) oh ya,we get a bottle of sparkling juice also as we won in playing the dice,heeee..^^well,you are so pandai huh,i mean in throwing the dice,kekkee..thanks to the 'mummy' also,lol=)

Afterward,the white wine,yeah white wine,thanks fot bought it,because it is nice nice nice nice!!i get started to fall in love with white wine le!:P

 

friday night

               I should be on the bus now in this time..Originally i will go for an interview at KL tomorrow,i suppose to go by tonight,but suddenly got some changed so it has been postponed to next sat,and i got to change my bus ticket to next sat also.

After i sms to mum to inform her about the postponed,mum let me know that sophia is so disappointed after knew that i will not coming tonight,i felt heart pain for her disappointment..;( sorry,my dearest niece..

Doing nothing tonight,so go to shopping with my dad,guess what??haa,i bought two cute cactus back!!I found them cute,so just bought it back and think of to present it to someone,heeee...i hope u will like it as i love them so much,they are vey CUTE!!!:p (have bought a pack of glico chocolate rolls back also to try,but its taste not as good as what i think at first:x)

...

Been crying much just now,got too many unsmooth and unsettled thing happened in my life,i am stucking and can't do anything.Don't know where i can share out my feeling,so have wrote a lot in my diary,at least in this way i can be better a bit...

Sweet and wonderful day

Met an accident today!!

This morning car get bang down while i am going to school.I paid RM 100 to that uncle as it was my fault i think..But what i most concerning is my bro's car as it spoiled quite terribly=x

Mood get influced by it throughout the whole morning,worry will get scolded and the repairment fee..Although i keep telling myself i need to give thanks in all circumstances yet the bad feeling still 'sticking' with me and make my mind run whirl.

But after my mum and bro get to know about it,praise God to let me see through this event about how deeper love they have to me!Especially my bro,he never blamed me for crashed badly his car instead concern my condition whether i am fine or not.I am really touched by it...=..

Thanks to L who cares me much also to come down here along the way after get knew i got an car accident.Your action make me feel so warm and sweet,sure i am very touched by you also..I know how much your heart toward me,thanks so much..^^

God is so wonderful!Through an event to reveal people's caring and love toward me,let me know that i am so precious and important!I should love myself much and cherish the people around me,you all always are so precious to me also!

p/s: so silly girl shed tears secretly a few times after car get bang down:xlol 

Gifted Hand

Yesterday night went to the prayer meeting and we watched a movie which named 'Gifted Hand'.This movie is based on the true story,and it did convey a important and helpful message to me.Thanks god for spoke out to me!

These few days i felt like keep looking down myself,low self-esteem always.I looked myself imperfect in every areas from inward to outward,everything are so worst in me,hate myself much!gosh...

Hence god let me to have chance to catch up with this movie...Curson who is a boy who get the lowest mark everytime in his exam in class and everyone love to tease him.It caused him always think that he is a dumb boy.Nevertheless,his mother is a great monther who always encourage him and give him confidence.Sooner and sooner,under his mother encouragement and helping,his became the top student in his school,and after that he graduated from Yale University as well.Finally he became a very famous nuerosurgeon. 

Of course in the proccess of his life,he went through many low self-esteem period,but one thing is he always depend on God and pray to God everyday,his mother play a very important role in this also in encouragement.Through here i get know a point is no matter how worst we think we are,once we stand in and hold tightly the promises of God,definitely we can achieved the thing that look like impossible for us to accomplish!God will let you be the one who are special enough!!

I like the word which the mother told to Dr Carson always,"we gotta see beyond what we can't see".

Everyone of us is so precious and capable in God's eyes,hence show your confident as WE CAN DO IT!!! Amen!

the night when you've back..

Tonight is Deepavali night,mum has come bk as well..Felt happy and welcomed much the coming back of my mum,but once she stepped in the house,her nagging would never stop...

She began to nag about my job,then his job and bla bla bla... ...i totally can't tolerant with all these!

everytime when she nagging about me,a lot of worries,unpeace,furstrations will raise up in me,it makes me down much afterward,became low self-esteem and hate much myself,of course it is including every decisions that i had made.Frankly say,i don't like when i become like this,that's y indirectly i don't love my mum nagging to me.

I dare to say every human got their own goal and purpose in their life,for mum and bro,maybe their goal is to aim many money then to get the best lives they ought to have.But for me,i only hope i could be happy and enjoy my live as long as everything is just enough for me.Of course,who don't love money??i do also,but what's point to keep pursuing it like a 'money slave'?

Addition for it,why some people always keeping their target for so high,later on only wear out themselve just for achieving it?Where is your joy in life then?Oh..don't try to tell me the joy of your life is when you can get or enjoying with the best material things which is bought by your hardly earning money!

As i say,every people got their own purpose in life,so don't try to influence others with your own opinion,k?Let people choose for what they want!

Be satisfy with everything and find your purpose of life in God rather than in material things in the world...

God, i want my life be fruitful in your kingdom yet not in this world...amen!

Wed night

Have turned down to join cg tonight..i don't want to go just because this is what i compulsory to do it,it makes me feel like i am bond by this,like forcing am to do something that i don't feel like to do.

Luckily,thanks for your coming tonight and have a Japanese set dinner with me,it brighten me up a lot indeed,thanks o..=)Although the set is not nice but the sushi make me feel good,because i like it!Have expecting to eat sushi for few weeks already,somehow tonight i got chance to have it,mood has became pretty much good as well,lol.

Thanks to L ya,thanks for everything that you have done on me...^_^

FInally..

Finally i have finished my SMM form key in...it is such a torturing for us to do it,i dare to say i am so dizzy and feel like to vomit while doing this,so can you imaging how suffer i am??

Most of the teacher told me we need at least two days time to finish all these key in work,it make me  so frustrated as the time is so limited,one day for each of the teacher..how to settle this huh??But thanks God for the miracle happened today for i just spent for four hours plus to finish all,praise God!=)God you are really great for listened my prayer!!!^^

But SMM is really 'disgusting' stuff,i swear i don't want to touch it anymore...

p/s:my eyebag problem is getting serious:X

FUN pls!

recently i really bored with my live...

Today went school in the morning n frustrated with a load of works that i got to finish,hate with those people who think that all of us are SUPERteacher,capable in doing everything..it is really tiring!!

kinda of to give up in teaching life instead of factory work,wish to out to have a breath and experiencing fruitfully of my life,wish to walk to outside world to have my fullest live,maximum using what i have in me.sometimes i keep thinking of myself,it is such a wasting for my current days without doing any greatly things while i still young n capable,but i just live it without any purposes or goals..

Besides of all these,i want to enjoy my live joyfully and happily!!that's y how much i wish i can have more and more trip!i want travel to every places that i never been before,i want eat around the stuff that i never try before!but could i??am i got this chance huh? All my mind now is i want to have FUN FUN FUN FUN!!! :p