I am YOUR lovely precious

Have a tiff with mum again..maybe should be not a tiff but a declaration and explanation among we both.

I never thought that my biological mum will look at me in this way,it is really out of my thought.Mum,i love you all deeply since you born me,i even always be so proud to tell others i am so blissful to have such caring family.But in the few hours ago,the truth from your own mouth was grieved me,just only i know you always belittle and see how useless i am,you keep on looking down on me even when i full of confidence to tell you that i believe myself can be change one day,you never trust me..You told me this is my character and it won't be changed in vice versa!Mum,i never expect you have no confident to me,i thought you will support me and keep stand beside me all the times!

Finally,i understand why i will low self-esteem easily.Not just bro,even you, the one i always take regard as a so caring,understanding,loving mum will say 'stupid' this word to me,it is so hurting..You belittled me,never trust and have confidence to me it is ok,somemore you still wanna rebuked me by this kind of word,it hurt my pride mum.. 

You said i never heed your advise,if as you say,how come i still been through so many unpeace,struggling in my relationship?Eventhough to give up everything?I told you i have considering and digesting every words you told me since before,but because i have my own logically,rasional thinking also,that's why i will make this decision for now,i wonder how come you won't neither think nor care for my feeling and accept my analytical ability?Yet you still rejected my decision!

You keep concluded my future,my personality,you concluded everything bad of me,and guarantee with me,looked down on me that it will not have turning poin for my everything if i go on with it.Indeed,i get worried about every words that come out from your mouth,because in bible we know every words from parents is so powerful,therefore i don't want your thwarted on my life instead of blessing.

Last,no matter how useless the people around me will look at me,the only one thing i know is God is look so precious of me,i am so important in HIS eyes,i can be the great vessel through Him!God,you are my only confident now...My life should be pleasing you as i want to get the peace in the choises that i've made,i want your blessing abundantly!One day people will take head over toes to you over the blessing of You too and get testified how wonderful in following in God's path!

Thanks God you make me still love my mum without any anger or grudges..