在半夜里听到妈妈的哭泣声,我吓呆了..
已是凌晨十二时多了,在隔壁房的我耳边隐隐约约地传来哭泣的声音,随即加快脚步跑到门便去探个究竟,怎知妈的哭泣声更加清晰的传入耳里,顿时心一凉,眼泪急得快流出来了,心里只想问到:"妈,你怎么了?"
我不想继续听下去,因我的心快难过死了,深怕自己支撑不住,把房门狠心地关上..."妈,是不是发生了什么事?为何你如此悲伤的在夜晚哭泣?"我不断的问道,不断的猜疑,脑海里也还持续不断的萦绕着妈的哭泣声...
"妈,请求您一定要好好的坚强地活下去,我誓必要好好的待您;对不起我之前对你的不好,我只要拜托你勇敢的活下去..."
妈妈,你的哭泣声让我好心痛,好难过... ...但愿您灿烂的笑脸是我明日一早所能见到的
妈,我好爱你!真的好爱你...
Feel like to write something yet i don't know what i should write for..
Well,then let me start write from my current lives..
I am anguishing about my spiritual life,God is touching me to serve Him as before,i eagerly and desire,but i am seeking a good and suitable place to serve Him,where shall i find this place Lord?A good soil for me to grow maturily..Don't vanishing the touched from Holy Spirit,this is what You said.I am regretted to give up a best soil to serve you before,now i want to find it back..
Except from it,i need to pick up some new knowledge also.Maybe i need to buy some books back to gain and learn new things rather than sit for nothing.People need to read,for improving..=)I lack of this,so i became dummy now,lol.(noooo...i want to charge a bit from now onward)
Lastly should be my physical body,planning to exercise more,at least one day per week.Body get weaker,very unhealthy..Furthermore this body is God's temple,i must taking care it well,train it to be healthy,i will be happier too=)So i am planning to go for jogging le,heeee=P
God,may this kind of lives will please you,new year new lifestyle and breakthrough,time to move forward for YOU!=)
今夜的星空是否有昨日般的明亮?皎白的月亮是否也有昨日般的迷人?窝在家里的我并没去留意这一切...可惜.
想一想,好久都没如此诗情画意般的感伤,忧郁.蓝蓝色的气氛把我掩埋了自己,悲伤的歌曲更是把我催化了..虽是如此,我却是喜爱陶醉在其中..
"哭过就好了,伤都会好的,痛都会过的"...随即耳边传来如此有意思的歌词,好爱这首歌,它让我在这样的气氛里坠入了美丽的词义里.
偏偏在这样的夜里,感伤的情歌更是不断地流返在耳边."这是好的吗"?我自问到.哈...我傻笑着.
过后,心里一直也好遗憾及后悔没把 今日在超市里摆卖的九把刀书买回来..好纳闷,突然间好想看哦..=(
歌曲继续的播着,我也只能继续的坐在电脑前陶醉在词境里...
1st Jan 2010,what a good day,a brand new day in a fresh new year..but i found no happiness instead of emptiness..
Lives...I get bored to live at this kind of days,working,eating,sleeping..no more then.First year working days it was a normal lives for me,second year i get started nuisance with this lives.A super normal days without any special or changing,grrhhhhh!I got to go cRAzYYY!!@_@
Where is my entertainment and social life huh?I keep asking myself..goshhh!!That is N.O.N.E!!Seem like i am a old girl,oh my goodness..I am not old enough!I want my life enjoyment!Don't get me the BORED life anymore!I don't want the unchanging stuff,pls!!
I am going berserk!!Where are you?my "FUN"?
Don't get scare with i will say at here..
I've been through spiritual warfare yesterday night.
It was about 1am at night,my heart get very scared and unpeace again,my heart keep beating fast until i felt that 'something' gotta posses in my body,i trembled and shaking with my whole body,i can't even to stop my mind to run whirl about the consequense.All the ungodly spiritual thing kept ran in my mind,i totally can't control it!This fear is the fear that i never experienced since that night,i could felt 'something' gotta come in my body,damn scary and i feel helpless too!
Meanwhile,when i under this circumstances,i kept comfort myself and pray hard for peace of course,but it seem no much effect in me,i'm in a critical time!!But HALLELUYAH!God hold out His hands to me at this moment,God spoke to me through my heart,He lets me understand the words of HIM in bible.God said:'i'am the merciful God,when you confessed your sins to me surely i will cleansen it and purify you in my name regardless how serious the sin you have done!Nothing can bond you now by your past sins even the fear in you now as the old has past,now you are the new creations,Satan has nothing to condemn you!Therefore you have no right to have this kind of fear from satan.I have set you free in me!You are the light of son because i have redeemed you fully!Amen,i am FREE!!
Suddenly,it was miracle,it was so wonderful!I felt that the bondage of the fear which have bonded me for few days have been broken by God,i can feel the peace and the joy at that moment!I even dare to think back when i was first stricken by this 'feeling' in hotel that night without any fear as before when i think about it that 'something' seem will come to me again and with a lot of fear.God to be praised!Now i fully healed by God!Holy Spirit overwhelming my heart,i cried...God loves me so much since i'm so unworthy for it!!Thank you my Lord to me...=) I am the overcomer!
'God is light,in Him there is no darkness at all." 1 Joh 1:5
'If we confess our sins,he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.' 1Joh 1:9
opps,for L,ur picture was being captured by me without ur noticed,heee..but you look smart in this pix=)
See~~~~Finally,i could tied up my hair already,kekeke...happy neh^^
Waiting my hair grow longer and longer...=)
Captured by: 12nd Dec 2009
(3:30pm)
Have a tiff with mum again..maybe should be not a tiff but a declaration and explanation among we both.
I never thought that my biological mum will look at me in this way,it is really out of my thought.Mum,i love you all deeply since you born me,i even always be so proud to tell others i am so blissful to have such caring family.But in the few hours ago,the truth from your own mouth was grieved me,just only i know you always belittle and see how useless i am,you keep on looking down on me even when i full of confidence to tell you that i believe myself can be change one day,you never trust me..You told me this is my character and it won't be changed in vice versa!Mum,i never expect you have no confident to me,i thought you will support me and keep stand beside me all the times!
Finally,i understand why i will low self-esteem easily.Not just bro,even you, the one i always take regard as a so caring,understanding,loving mum will say 'stupid' this word to me,it is so hurting..You belittled me,never trust and have confidence to me it is ok,somemore you still wanna rebuked me by this kind of word,it hurt my pride mum..
You said i never heed your advise,if as you say,how come i still been through so many unpeace,struggling in my relationship?Eventhough to give up everything?I told you i have considering and digesting every words you told me since before,but because i have my own logically,rasional thinking also,that's why i will make this decision for now,i wonder how come you won't neither think nor care for my feeling and accept my analytical ability?Yet you still rejected my decision!
You keep concluded my future,my personality,you concluded everything bad of me,and guarantee with me,looked down on me that it will not have turning poin for my everything if i go on with it.Indeed,i get worried about every words that come out from your mouth,because in bible we know every words from parents is so powerful,therefore i don't want your thwarted on my life instead of blessing.
Last,no matter how useless the people around me will look at me,the only one thing i know is God is look so precious of me,i am so important in HIS eyes,i can be the great vessel through Him!God,you are my only confident now...My life should be pleasing you as i want to get the peace in the choises that i've made,i want your blessing abundantly!One day people will take head over toes to you over the blessing of You too and get testified how wonderful in following in God's path!
Thanks God you make me still love my mum without any anger or grudges..
