back time

I am coming back!

But, now i got to go back again...Thought i can stay at hometown after i resigned,somehow life is unpredestined, it is not under my control.

Previous job make me lead a very stress and unhappy working life, i am eagerly wanna run off that kind of life on that moment. Now i did it, i back to the life i wish to have when i still working,but i start to get bored with it. Thus, while i standing outside and watching up the sky,i start to refresh back my busy and pressure working life,suddenly i feel so relax and know how to cherish my current days, i take it as a holiday for me, not every time i will have this kind of privilege one,haa..

Well,maybe soon i will back to kl to help out bro for his works,again, i got back to the working days, it is good but i realised i am hard to leave here...I hope can settle down also instead of keep moving around.

There is too much to voice up here since i have long time din update and get chance to 'speak out'.Well,where should i start...

Today have a great time with my senior for lunch,she shared a lot her past experience to me,maybe she heard also i gotta to leave.By the way,today only i know what i have been go through actually just a very small case for her as she really been through a hardship period,how colleague and boss treated her,but she strive hard to prove she has the ability to perform perfectly,now she did and boss treat her in another round,so realistic in working society!

It stood me for a while and interupted my decision,thus i still insisting on as i know this is not the job i want,it deprived my joy and my spirit in me..Now,maybe i should trying to apply the GSTT here rather than waiting back hometown and can't get the job there..I really urgent to have money due to my saving plan payable amount still lack for more,somehow next month i need to pay off already...awww,first time feel i am so poor in financial=(

In addition,today just realised i lost my VERYIMPORTANT document--Indentity Card!!and it lost since last friday i think,but hw come i din noticed earlier,damn!

Anyway,tomorrow still got a lot thing to do in office,everyday must have something to do and pending,hate it!Ahhhhhhhhhhh.........

I start to feel like i just like a robot or 'plastic woman',no much feeling in my life,just stress and work things...no other...that is terrible...pity a lot of people have became like this already...speechless

stop!

I think i already reached the bottom of my limit to 'tahan'...So miserable for me now,one thing can make me happy in my life is quit from my current job!It is really been stressed for me in this work field,no matter how strong and eagerness for me to learn the new thing here but it all can't overcoming my limitation to hanging on anymore,i have make up my mind,i want to resign...i want to free myself,learning is good but seem i can't live my life with happiness then what the point for me to insist on?In addition,the more i stay here the more i feel i myself so unvaluable and more low self esteem,all the confident have gone...is this all i want from the purpose at first i came here?NO!
So contradict,before when be teacher i went to go crazy for unfruitful life there,but now that kind of life make me miss much and envy much!no stress and can go have fun anytime!no need to worry my expenses as well...
Wonder whether my family will support my decision?But i really want to resign...
Life is so shorter,how come i wanna torturing and forcing myself live under such life which i don't like it!Why?Thought learning is good but why under this kind of environment?yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy???

==:

Staying in other's house is very 'xin ku',if let me to choose i rather to stay wf my fren instead of with my family members.
Maybe my lifestyle is different with you caused you unhappy,but if i got the choice i will not come to here,honestly to say..one thing is i really troubled you all already,sorry about it..
Everything stress me up,from staying place,home people,working place,colleagues,boss,figure,custormer...everything coming together,how to continue on the life?

Late yet luckier

It is sad to say,now only i realised i am too late to step into this so called 'real' society to explore..
Throughout this two weeks training,i get to see a lot of my fellow colleagues whose same age with me are pretty mature and experienced enough in knowlegde,spiritual,personalise and what i can say is almost in every areas.Honestly it was a shame for me for still being ignorant=( Their mature and steady skills in selling,presentation was enough to terrify me with this wonderful plus perfect handling methods!Gosh,I am totally under compared with them.
I am so small among them,obviously can see through.Whereby 1 thing i can comforting myself is luckily i still get chance to walk in and joining in the midst of it..

end of the 3rd week in kl

First day staying in my cousin's house...so weird feeling here

The time i finish exam in office,i should be happy one as stress has been released.Yet,i am not as excited as i think. Tear kept dropping down in the moment i sat in the car because i felt 'homeless' indeed. How much i wish can back to bro's house but once i know it is inconvenience for them,then i have no choice.I sobbing while driving as i really don't know where i should heading to...Hence i delayed the time to back cousin's house and just find somewhere else i can go to although i pretty tired..Eventually i manage to arrive cousin's house by nine something.

Working outside alone here is pressuring, it totally out of my estimation. A lot of uneasy feeling you will experience here,it sure very hurt but you can't be beaten down as well,so hanging on and persistence is the only choice you can make. Frankly say i couldn't remember how many days in here i use to cry before i fall asleep. Sadness keep grabbing my heart,while i think of my situation and what had i face on,again,my tear will never ended.But in my mind i only know for one word is 'hanging on'..I told myself so.

People is the crucial key for me whether feel comfortable and vice verse. Although i have closer blood brother here yet i am unwelcome and unconcerned by them. Everyone are busy with their own 'business',you are you then i am i,pretty sad with this..

Anyhow,God is my good friend,i told him everything when i weeping in my blanket every night,he is my good listener.Thanks for my dear and mum,at least i still can sense the caring which i pretty needed much at this moment,it give me loads of comfort..Due to it,i will be strong no matter how difficult i will facing onwards.